Common Reasons of Divorce

In our popular culture, we believe that marriage is the only hurdle that we need to cross and once married we live” happily ever after”. Our ’positive illusions’, so consistently fed by books, novels, and even children’s fairytales and movies are broken as soon as we say ”I Do”. Despite the increasing divorce rate we are taken by surprise when we realize that one has to work at maintaining a marriage and that too work “hard”.

An increasing number of marriages end up in divorce when these ‘positive illusions’ are broken and reality sets in. The unrealistic expectations from the marriage and the life after leave many couples feeling cheated. They usually blame their partners for letting them down and bitterness creeps in.

The causes of divorce are as varied and as numerous as the individuals who say “I Do”. There are many complex reasons which end a marriage in divorce and each of them is specific to the particular couple’s marital relationship, their individual experiences and expectations and personal problems. None of them may seem ‘common’ to the people going through a divorce but many of the reasons recur enough to allow the use of term “common”.

There are no real statistics on the most common reasons why marriages fail as the vital statistics forms that are filed when a divorce happens rarely state the actual causes of divorce. But surveys have been conducted through experienced divorce lawyers to uncover some of the most common reasons ‘stated’ for the dissolution of marriage. The reasons most commonly listed are:

1.       Lack of Communication: Communication is the backbone of any successful relationship and is especially true for a stable marital relationship. It is important not only to communicate enough but also to do it effectively. Smaller problems in adjustment like personal habits, mutual expectations, misunderstandings etc. can easily be sorted out if the couple takes out time to sit and discuss these issues with an open mind. This prevents smaller irritants from escalating into major conflicts, sometimes ending in divorce. People have been known to seek divorce due to totally non-serious reasons which have become major ego issues because of delay in addressing them. Spending time together, talking and listening to each other are of prime importance. Unfortunately, in today’s fast-paced lifestyle, talking to one’s spouse is often low on the list of priorities. With the demands of home, children and work, marriage is usually the first to suffer.

2.       Incompatibility:  The difference in opinions, goals, likes and dislikes etc. lead to incompatibility in marriage. People tend to fall in love and get married in a hurry not realizing that sharing one’s life in all its spheres with another person (as in marriage) is very different from meeting for a few hours or from a live-in relationship. Discovering the ‘real’ person long after marriage leads to regular conflicts leaving one disillusioned and dissatisfied. A lot of reasons fall under incompatibility factor like the differences in personal and career goals, financial expectations, different expectations about household work, about having and raising children, intellectual and sexual incompatibility. This makes it one of the major causes for divorce.

3.       Finance: Contrary to all romantic illusions, it is a common cause of divorce. Many couples fail to openly discuss financial situations before marriage such as individual debt, spending habits, salary information etc. Also, many couples fail to establish as to who should do the bread winning or if the task should be split. Lack of financial stability also gives rise to daily conflicts and higher stress levels leading to arguments affecting the relationship.

4.       Children: They are another reason for couples getting divorced. It could be due to contrary beliefs regarding bearing and rearing children. Also, when there are children a partner (mostly husbands) might feel ignored or the other (mothers) thinks that the father is not helping enough in rearing children and attending to household chores. With children present, there is also a significant drop in communication and sexual activities all causing a strain in the relationship.

5.       Infidelity: It is gaining position in the list of common reasons for divorce. It is argued that it is not a cause but a symptom of other things wrong in a marriage. But the fact that a marriage surviving through various other reasons ends when infidelity is discovered is reason enough to gain its position in the list.

Though there are many other reasons for divorce like desertion, substance abuse, physical and emotional abuse, addiction etc. they do not come up with such frequency as the afore-mentioned reasons of divorce.

Article Source: http://www.theukarticledirectory.co.uk