Motivated by the sense of stability provided by their domestic environment, they often try to put in their best to sustain and nurture this arrangement. Compared to this cozy and secure way of life, a divorce certainly proves to be a leap in the dark and the unknown. It hits at the very root of a sense of permanence that forms the basis of a happy married life.
Sources of Stress
The biggest source of stress and anxiety before and after a lousy divorce suit is the intense feeling of impermanence and change ushered in by it in the life of an individual. Everything seems to go topsy- turvy and suddenly you realize that the kind of life you were so used to exists no more.
Your family life gets restructured, marked by a drastic shift in your role as a parent and married person. Relationships with extended family and friends get altered because of their taking sides in this domestic feud. You have to reconsider and rearrange your financial arrangements. New strategies have to be developed to take care of household tasks. Above all, you have to cope with the reality of being a single person again.
Symptoms of Stress
The loss of spouse, security and family life may give way to an excruciatingly stressful situation. Look out for the tell-tale symptoms of stress and anxiety in your physical and psychological framework, so as to deal effectively with them. Pre- and post-divorce stress may lead to behavioural changes such as substance abuse, withdrawal, isolation, aggression, crying, insomnia, exhaustion, etc. You may come across bouts of depression and anxiety.
The stress may also manifest itself as a shift in your feelings and thoughts. You may worry about not being able to cope with this hopeless situation. Unknown and indescribable fears and negative views may creep into your life. You may find yourself unable to concentrate on your job and career.
Slow Down
The strategy of slowing down your pace of life may prove to be effective in coping with divorce-related stress. If possible, take a leave from your work for a few days. Be gentle to yourself and lead yourself into this phase of retreat and calm contemplation. There is no need to even think about your problems to begin with. Just slow down and try to be sensitive to the peace and poise found in simple day-to-day activities such as eating, walking and talking.
Once a feeling of ‘let go’ starts to develop, you may proceed to contemplate about your feelings and emotions in a relaxed and benign mood. Do not be unnecessarily harsh on yourself and others. You have to be at peace with yourself and others. You have to forgive yourself and others.
Talk to Somebody
Talking about your feelings and emotions to a friend or someone you are really close to may prove to be helpful. If you are a religious person or have a spiritual side to your personality, you may take into confidence your minister, priest or rabbi. While communicating do remember that you are not necessarily communicating to seek a solution to your problems. If you get one, fine. But the main purpose behind any meaningful interaction should be to seek a catharsis of pent-up emotions of anger, frustration and hate within you, so as to achieve a lightness of heart required to move ahead in life.
Therapy
To a great extent an individual’s response to a stressful situation depends on his or her personal temperament and disposition. If you really feel that your emotions are so flared up that they have started affecting your physical and psychological health, do opt for professional help. Stress and anxiety may lead to some serious problem or may further aggravate the situation. You may ask your friends or family members to suggest or find out a good therapist for you.
Above all, do remember that though the present circumstances are tough and painful, yet, they too will pass away like previous gloomy and dark phases of your life.
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